Cool One-Liners

Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep.

Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.

I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean?.

What does retired mean? Tired yesterday, tired again today

Diplomat tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Never try to drown your troubles... especially if she can swim.

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.

By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong.

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

Teachers are those who help us in resolving problems which, without them, we wouldn't have.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.

Gravity can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

Quit smoking! Take air pollution straight.

Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

THE BEST FOR THE LAST!!!

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.